achoo.

i am in no mood for capitals.

my head is killing me. i am pretty sure that my period is coming. all the signs are there with a vengeance. so many little things upset me. and then i can’t keep my mouth shut. and i was really trying to overcome letting ridiculous things bother me. on top of this, i am so weepy. it is as i know the things that make me sad, never stopped making me sad, but i don’t usually WEEP over them. wtf, mia?! and i’m exhausted. but that goes without saying, really. and i feel a dull ache in my belly and my back. and a stupid hurty big zit. oh, something to look forward to.

i wish alex read this. i wish he read this so that he would know, really, how sorry i am for being a cunt even though i already told him. and i wish that he read this so that he would know how much it hurt my feelings when he told me that he hated it here, today. i said, “one bad day doesn’t negate everything, does it?” he didn’t answer. how could he think that way?

i told him that i felt like i was falling in love with him again.

but to do this properly, i apparently need to have my ovaries removed.

stupid stupid stupid.

i went into the kitchen and i was shutting cabinets which alex always leaves open. (and which i SOMETIMES leave open.) i shut one, and i saw something scurry. it was too fast for me to tell if it was a cockroach or a spider, but either way, i am highly UNPLEASED. i read somewhere or alex told me or something that pests HATE cayenne pepper. so i opened all the cabinets back up and sprinkled cayenne pepper everywhere because i am a drama queen and i will have no bugs in my house, aw, hells no. so. cayenne pepper makes you sneeze HELLAS. and youknow, now my eyes water when i go in there. so i think that’s probably efficient, yes? i did throw everything that i didn’t have to reach far inside of the cabinets for away, i mean, things that were not a canned or what i would consider NUCLEARLY (i know it’s not a real word, shut it!) sealed. i put the bag on the porch. i am so paranoid. i know that old old houses/buildings will have bugs sometimes, i know this. BUT I HATE STAB STAB STAB. tomorrow when i get home i will probably clean out the cabinets and super scrub. especially now that i have to wash away all that cayenne pepper i poured everywhere, heh.

i started watching dvds of this tv series that was on hbo that eventually got canceled, i guess. it’s called DEAD LIKE ME. so far i’ve watched one episode and alex said he wanted to watch it, so i am waiting for him to watch this episode so we can start watching together. i’m still deciding how i feel about it.

OMG LOST. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK ABOUT LOST WITH ME.

i have the big INTERVIEW this week for the library job. i’m not looking forward. mostly, this is because i don’t know exactly WHEN it’s going to occur and i work a trillion hours this week and i’m going to be tired as hell. also i’m glad i remembered that it COULD BE tomorrow as i need to look up some teen program ideas to have ready. i really am afraid i’m going to fail at this. at getting this job. i don’t know why. just that the director is a “hard egg” and i don’t think i’m the type of person that she is particularly fond of. no matter how much work i’ve done. sometimes that’s just the way life is. and if it doesn’t work out, so be it. i can live with this.

i did find out that at our one year mark of being employed at the b&n, that i am eligible for health insurance even if i am part time. it costs about 15$ a paycheck, which really isn’t so bad, youknow?

there are two books i want to more thoroughly look at. i think one was called LIFE THINGS and one was called MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR TIME or something cheesy like this. the life things one is about the spirit of your home or something. the other one is about not running around like a crazy person, which i do. i am that crazy lady in front of you in line who has to dump out her purse to find her debit card EVERY SINGLE TIME. sigh.

i also want to read more about theosis.

i have a fun package to put together for elaina at the end of this month when i get PAID.

omg, i need to look up program stuff because i am SO TIRED. and i need to take my meds. i suck at remembering. though i’ve reformatted. i’ve a better schedule for it now, i think. but i have to go into the kitchen to get water and THE PEPPER OH GOD THE PEPPER.